Let's start with running. To run is to be unpatriotic, pro-drugs, and just a general hoodlum. But what we need to fight this war is more funding for our first responders - teachers.
Think back to sixth grade. I bet there was a teacher who made you turn around and instead of running down the hall, they made you walk. I know I had several and no, I don't know why I was in such a hurry. But I do know that I am a better citizen now that I walk. Teachers should make more money simply because they are on the front lines of this war. Every day teachers stop kids from running down the hallways of schools across our great nation and make them come back and walk.
I know, I know...you are probably saying that there is no harm in running, that I've taken this too far. But I for one don't like the double standards that runners have come to enjoy. I'm talking about getting high. We've all heard of a "runner's high." Well, if we're going to win this 20+ year "War on Drugs" then we'd better start getting tough on all who get high. And runners are no different. They've put on the facade for years by claiming that they are staying fit, or exercising, when in reality, they've been getting high for sometimes hours a day. This must end!
And anyone who runs is automatically unpatriotic. That's right, I said it. Those who run are undermining our men and women of law enforcement who a fighting the "War on Drugs" everyday across America's cities. Runner's getting high is unacceptable. We can't preach about saying no to crack, heroine, or even worse...pot, if we don't eliminate running, which thousands of Americans use to get high every day.
This is a global fight though and to win, we must fight the enemy in their land also. The worst offenders are undoubtedly Spain, Kenya, and Greece. The government of Spain harbors hundreds of runners and has even immortalized them with a pseudo-holiday - "The Running of the Bulls." This drug laden country has even brought the addiction to its livestock population.
Kenya is perhaps the biggest enemy in this war. If you've ever seen a marathon then you know that 9 out of the top 10 runners are Kenyan. But let's not forget the origins of the marathon. The 26 miles - 385 yards, which hopefully will soon be illegal, started in Greece and they are proud of their role in this global endemic - even lobbying to keep this activity in the olympics.
Join me in this fight. We can not be too vigilant in our efforts to rid America of unwanted, troublesome, verbs. Join me in saying... "Just say 'no' to running." Together we can win this war!
